Love comes Fromm patience

I can clearly see the benefits of Erich Fromm's idea that we all should strive to achieve a loving and positive attitude towards both our inner and outside environments. According to Fromm the process of building strong foundation in relationships with loved ones, family, and close friends starts with learning how to show objectivity and active concern in interactions with everyone we encounter. Thus, necessary conditions for an existence of love in personal realm are practiced and developed through a loving attitude in social realm. This view is desirable, but somewhat idealistic considering that it hardly fits within the framework of modern society. In addition this principle of love can't be universally applied in all culture. Open-mindedness and loving attitude towards everyone are outstanding personal characteristics that nevertheless can be seen as a weaknesses in some societies. Thus, the positive attitude towards strangers and personal acquaintances should be applied in a more cautious form of fairness rather than love.


I started my new job at the Verizon Wireless franchisee store during the busiest time of the year, Christmas holidays. The store was really hectic and I was the only employee considering that my supervisor laid off both members of his former staff. One of them was having troubles with remembering basic job responsibilities while the other was caught doing fraudulent transactions and stealing phone chargers. My supervisor (who was also the store owner) had to work 9 hour shifts everyday due to this mishap. This was very frustrating to him considering that previously he only checked up on the store occasionally and had other consulting job. As he began training me it became clear that this man expected me to learn everything at the instant. The pace was chaotic and I had a difficult time due to lack of experience in the field. Every day customers asked me something I've never heard before ( like what are the roaming charges in Japan). I had to re-refer these clients back to my manager considering that I didn't have all the answers ready. He was getting really impatient and angry pointing to me that I should be more resourceful. Sometimes he would directly tell me off in from of the customers. This made me feel dumb and I started to get annoyed myself which in turn reduced my productivity. I felt that he doesn't like me personally and most importantly have no trust in me. It didn't take long before we started to engage in daily arguments to the point that our faces turned red. At this point I was trying to prove myself right without being objective and trying to understand his perspective. Soon It became clear to me that he had no personal problems with me when he hired another employee. I notice that  my supervisor was as tough on her as he was on me. As a result I changed my behavior by not trying to prove myself right at all times. By staying away from confrontation I learned to be more patient in dealing with people in my outside environment. This experience helped me to have a positive attitude towards customers when I began working on my own. I learned the skill of maintaining my composure even in the most difficult and frustrating situations. In addition by being patient and concentrated I was able to form a mutual trust and great working relationship with my manager.


I am still very cautious about sharing my true feelings with strangers, neighbors, or coworkers, but it is clear that I learn and build my character through interactions in the outside environment. This particular experience in my job made me more receptive and patient in relationships within my inner circle. I noticed that my personal relationships improved as I became more open to the opposing points of view. It taught me the great benefit of compromise which is the key to any healthy relationship. By avoiding give in to my male ego I was able to avoid arguments with my girlfriend. It became easier for me to look at myself from the critical standpoint without trying to put the blame on someone else. I would hardly be able to practice and gain this knowledge if I was completely locked down within my inner world.       


 

Hopeless

Throughout the years I enjoyed listening to music from different genres such as rock, pop, reggae, techno, and rap/hip-hop. The choice of music I listen at particular point of time depends more on my mood or what I do at this moment rather than love for certain band or artist. Music is often takes a place of the medium that lets me express my personal feelings. It allows me to think through my problems or simply release the stress that built up throughout the day. Music can also have an uplifting effect when things are not going as planned at the particular period of my life.

One of my favorite tracks is the song "Hope" performed by Russian alternative hip-hop artist, Dolphin whose life and career went through several vital transitions that built up his character. He started his music career in the controversial hip-hop band called "Stag Party". This music group used samples, beats and texts similar to those of Western hip-hop performers. The main theme of their first few albums was devoted to sex that was still considered a taboo subject during early 90s. Thus it is not surprising that despite popularity among youngsters the group was banned from major TV and radio stations. The general public in the collapsing Soviet Union was not quite ready for the explicit lyrics of the band. After the members of the band separate in the summer of 1993, Dolphin went through difficult period in his life while fighting through drug addiction and trying to find his place in the rapidly changing music environment. This period in his career was influential in providing the basis for his new music that matured together with the artist himself.

The track "Hope" is introduced in Dolphin's second solo album called "Depth Focus". In this album Dolphin avoids explicit lyrics while making meaning of hope, love and belief the main subject of his music expression. As in his previous works, Dolphin uses an abundance of electronic samples, but also adds a new feel by fitting live instruments into his music composition. The track starts with an amazing instrumental composition that is subsequently followed by the smooth melody that lays a foundation for his powerful lyrics. It has been more than 10 years since I heard this track for the first time, but it still touches my soul every time I hear this emotional composition. It is clear to me why Dolphin is regarded as one of the greatest Russian modern poets. His music seems real because he is not trying to hide anything from his audience. He bring the truth out of life in its most raw and ugly form.


After listening to this song some people label it as being "too depressive" considering that Dolphin regards hope as an illusion out of our ability to control. "Hope is self-deceit, but it is all that we have. It goes from hand to hand while selling its pride. It spits the dust into our eyes leaving us at the moment when we need it the most" In a way his lyrics makes one think that the life is predetermined by fate while hope is a mere attempt of awaiting a slight chance for an escape. However, I interpret his words as a call to leaving the hope behind while taking necessary steps required for avoiding the doom's day altogether. I had situations in my life where I didn't see a clear direction that could lead me into right path. My friends and close family members were able to provide support in times when I faced personal problems, but the ultimate escape was always a result of my personal decision. Hoping that the time will give me an answer only prolonged my suffering. Thus, I see the hope as a limit to our ability of making radical decisions and of changing destiny.